Thursday, November 20, 2014
Got Dialogue?
Please post an excerpt (short sample, 5-10 lines) of dialogue from your NaNoWriMo story!!! We want to hear what your characters are saying :) Choose from your story an excerpt that is exciting, full of action, or of significance to your story! Leave a positive comment on at least one other person's work for full credit (30 points) ;)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Do we comment the excerpts? Or post them.
ReplyDeletePost them and then comment on one other person's.
DeleteThe Future War My name is Joe and I have a story to tell. Its about people that can predict the the future. Before you say this is fake I can tell you this is 100% real. It all started on january 18th 2014. These 2 guys named Frank and Bob they both lived in Seattle,Washington. They threw a NFC championship party to see who was going to the superbowl. They predicted that seattle was going to win 23-17 and thats exactly what happened. So they were going to the superbowl. Frank and Bob were wondering how the knew what the score was going to be? Bob said do you think we can predict the future? Dont be a idiot Frank said. How about we go see a psychic doctor frank said? Ok lets go. Frank and bob are at the psychic doctor. Ok so why are you here said the doctor. We think we can predict the future. How do you know. Because we predict the NFC championship game. Predict the super bowl said the doctor. Seattle will win 43-8. Ok come back to my office after the super bowl. Ok frank and Bob said as the left. It was super bowl sunday it was the seahawks and the broncos and seattle did win 43-8. The next day they went to the doctors. anthony walburger period 3
Delete“Well, I reckon she is the one who wrote the letter and it said to pack some clothes so we should pack some essentials,” Sandra said with excitement. She had always wanted to go on a mysterious adventure.
Delete“Are you crazy!” Aria said, thoroughly annoyed .
“Girls, can I come in?” Elizabeth called up the stairs.
“Just a minute please,” the twins called down.
“Grab a suitcase, pack some things and meet me here in a few minutes,” Sandra said. “Ok.”
“Ok,” Aria said, uncertainly.
About the author
DeleteMy name is Tony Kinchen and I go to dewitt middle school. As an english student i’ve always enjoyed it when we did story creating assignments. I enjoyed the fact that i could create a story in just a matter of minutes just by creating a fantasy world. I have enjoyed english this year because i learned new skills that can assist me in creating my own adventure stories.
Alpha Team
Prologue: Welcome to our lives
Before I tell you this, you have to do something for me. You have to open your minds to the impossible. The reason I’m telling you this is because what I am about to tell you may seem somewhat as a sci fi adventure movie, but unfortunately its my life, our lives. Jack, Max, Ryla, and myself were not your typical teenagers. A scientific division in U.S.A’s biological weapons division genetically altered us to be used as biological warfare weapons, living weapons. Each of us were genetically changed so that are skin creates an armor stronger than titanium that gives us unreal abilities. We were each given a specific ability assigned to us based on our height, age, and blood type under the codename of “cyber soldiers”.
Unfortunately, our armors are genetically grafted into us. If we try to separate ourselves from our armors it will be as trying to rip our skin off our flesh. We were each supposed to be sent to different parts of the U.S (Washington, Texas, Mexico you name it) to be used as a last resort to contain things normal police forces could not handle such as riots and revolts. A couple others including myself were deemed “successful” and were going to be shipped out as a new type of law enforcement in Mexico to keep riots from breaking out as they did over the discussion about the border control crisis. Luckily, though we escaped when a “failed experiment” created with a self-destruct feature spontaneously exploded. We managed to leave unnoticed but ever since we have had to deal with agents, generals, and scientist that either wanted to use us as weapons or experiments. However, they were nothing compared to Omega. In case you are wondering Omega is basically our hunter and were the prey. For every group of Alphas there was one Omega to keep them in check. After the factory explosion only one Omega remained operational and he was sent out by the agents to find everyone like us. I know what you are thinking “big deal one guy wants to capture you” but this is not a normal agent we can take in 2 minutes, he has armor that adapts to any cyber soldier he is sent after. Armor that is genetically grafted into his DNA just like ours.
Now that I got that unpleasant business out of the way, let me tell you about my family. Jack goes to fast, literally he can go up to 475 miles a minute! He is 5 feet four inches 13 years old tan and extremely annoying (don't tell him I said that or I’ll never hear the end of it). Max is a young African boy the same height and age as Jack and is Jack's partner in crime. He can generate electronic shields that spring up on command and can be thrown as hand grenades. He mainly uses this ability to prank us and then uses the shields as protection from our wrath (literally), but in general their both good kids that look out for each other as brothers. Ryla is the same age as me and is 5 feet 4 inches has blackish brown hair and she is able to sense other living things life signature a mile away, if it was not for her we would have been caught by Omega or the Agents a long time ago. Ryla and I are the oldest ones in the group and Jack and Max are the youngest ones in the group. We may all come from different pasts but we are all a family and we share the same future. Who am I you ask? My name is Jason I’m 6 feet 2 inches 16 years old and I am 15 times stronger than the strongest man in the world. Welcome to our lives!
Hi this is my except,
ReplyDelete“You know you look just like your mother, right?” He asks
“No one has told me that before.”
“Really? Well you both have those beautiful green eyes, and brown hair. You are the epitome of your mother, and I can’t believe that no one has told you that before. Now you must be hungry, are you?” He asks me
“Yes. . . Sir.”
“Alright, Mary get Clara some food to eat. And sweetie call me Grandpa, not Sir.”
I nod, then he takes my hand and leads me outside to the pond. He sits me down on the bench and starts to talk to me, “Now Clara I work most days and you will be alone most of the time. I am going to let off all of the servants, because you're here and can help me out, right?”
“Yes, but you don’t have to let all of them off there is a big house and I can’t keep it all clean.”
“Yes, I know. But I will anyway, I want to have more time with you.”
Yes, I nod. “Now go back inside, I bet your food is ready.” I start to walk back to
I think this is a really adorable little scene showing some family love. (I know that's cheesy but whatever) Also, the "you look like your mother" part kind of reminds me of Harry Potter, but I'm not saying you copied... don't worry. It makes me flash back.
DeleteReally nice Gogo
DeleteReally nice writing!
DeleteGreat writing Goldali!
DeleteWhen Bobby came too he looked around. He was in some building that looked to be abandoned. He saw a man sitting in the corner of the room. he tried to talk to the man but his words were muffled by the gag in his mouth. Bobby tried to get up from his chair but he was duct taped to it.
ReplyDeleteJust then a man walked in with a mask on. He had a gun in his right hand and a flashlight in the other. He walked up to Bobby and said “Give me the song!” “What?, I don't have a song.”
“Don’t lie to me I know you have the song.”
“I dont have the song. I haven't even written one for the competition.” That was a lie, Bobby had written one for the competition, he was going to use it when he got to the finals-If he did get to the finals.
“Who are you?” Bobby asked.
“Thats none of your business you little punk.” said the masked man.
“Ok, geez bruh. Do you work for anyone? asked Bobby.
“THATS…NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!!!!” hollered the man.
“You have anger issues bro.” sassed Bobby
“NO I DON'T.” yelled the man
The man started walking towards Bobby while he talked. He had a scar on his left wrist and a bandaged finger.
Good job but remember to uppercase the first letter after periods and I think that it's came to not came too unless you are talking (writing) about a friend coming with you.
DeleteThat excerpt is really funny and clever. I hope to read the story
Delete"sassed bobby"
DeleteSarah advised the girls “ We will have to find out, I know it’s risky but we need to find out what Carter/ Gabe was looking for”
ReplyDeleteKelsey answered “ what if Gabe already found the treasure and used it, sold it what ever”
Sarah continued “ Yes but we need to find out what he was after for, what if we search his house to find out if he already found the treasure.”
Victoria “ what if we go visit him in jail and ask him”
Kelsey “what if he lies to us though”
Victoria “ i’ll get him to tell the truth”
Deborah, very intense!
DeleteVictoria! Kelsey! Secret! Haha good job deborah I will read your whole story later.
DeleteNice writing Deborah
DeleteOkay, here's mine.
ReplyDelete“Sprechen Sie Deutsch?” he asked. There was a funny look in his startlingly blue eyes. “Ein kleiner, aber nicht viel,” I replied, curious. I had said I spoke a little German. He then said,”Parlez-vous français?” I knew this. I knew this. But I forgot how to say I don’t really speak French!
The look on my face must have registered with him that I had very poor French. Smiling, he asked finally, “Do you speak English?” “Yes,” I replied gratefully. “I come from Kansas City. My name’s Marguerite.”
“I’m Xander and I’m German, but I lived in Great Britain for a while, so I know English,” he said carefully. I told him the reason I know German is because I took it in seventh and eighth grade. “Das ist gut,” Xander smiled. “Möchten Sie hier essen?” “Ja, okay, oui,” I replied. I felt proud saying it in three different languages. “Can you help me learn French and maybe German too?” I waited for a few tense seconds as he gave me a sly smile. “Sure. Where do you want to start?”
Where did I want to start? That was a good question. “Can I start by impressing my friends with a few French words?”
“Sure, I think I know just the thing for you…” What?, I thought, What is it?.
He said, “Salut. Comment-allez-vous? Je l'espère vous allez bien. Je vous manqué pendant mon séjour à Paris. Okay, translation: Hi. How are you? I hope you’re good. I missed you while I was in Paris!”
Good job Claire that ac.tually makes me want to read more
Deletewhy thank you
DeleteI really enjoyed this excerpt. I WANT TO READ MORE!!!!!!!!: )
DeleteThis is great! Just don't forget to stop, drop, and indent after each character speaks! Otherwise, fabulous.
DeleteThis is awesome Claire! I really wanna read more now... looks interesting
Delete“GUYS, COME IN HERE, LIKE NOW…” Ivy shouted, picking up the note. Everyone ran into the kitchen.
ReplyDelete“Have a safe flight home, you can keep the book.” Ivy read out loud. Julia gasped. On the note was the same red sparkles as the boots.
“M-maybe he really did want us to have a safe flight?” Leo stuttered. They knew this wasn’t true. No one could sleep that night. What did the note mean? How did he get it in here?
Nice job it makes me want to read more!
Deletegood job sam the short part sounds really interesting,
Deletemakes me want to read your hole story!!!!!!
DeleteWow, what suspense!
Deleteawesome sam! seems really action-filled... want to read more!
Deleteand asked my mom, “did the bus leave? Can you drop me off? Can you write a letter? Can you get more iced tea?”
ReplyDelete“first of all put on some clothes and yes I will do everything you asked except drop you off your dad and I are going to Syracuse you will be by your self for the rest of the day.”mom replied
“But mom i’ll be late for school.”I complained
“not if you have a letter.” mom said smiling.
Good use of speaker tags here Josh, you still need to watch for capitalization and run-on sentences. Make it a habbit not to start dialogue in the middle of a sentence also.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAm I dead? It is dark. “Hello?” I try to call out, but I can’t. Where am I? Then A light appears. This guy is coming down, and he seems to just sort of float now.
ReplyDeleteHe says, “Hello, I am Alex”.
“Ummm, hello?”, I say back. I really didn't know what to say.
He tells me, “You are in a book so I can make anything happen to you”.
“Well, OK, so… am I dead”. I asked.
“Well, yes and no.” He told me back.
Eventually I questioned, “So what do you mean?”
“I mean I could either end the book right here and you die, or you live and the book continues but I will mess with your life.” He laughed at me
Then he told me.“But I get more money if you live so wait a sec... bye.”
"Wait what why how when and where am I an……” I said being teleported away
It sounds a little scary but I enjoyed it!
DeleteI really like that first line it sounds very intersting
DeleteGood use of suspense and a creative plot! Watch for puntuation. Use them before and after speaker tags and when ending sentences.
Deletesounds interesting... nice! I like the teleporting part
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletesounds interesting
DeleteThea Evans excerpt
ReplyDeleteI was so happy because I was the first one to sign up for auditions. Mr. Buckner walked out of the music room as I was finishing my last name, with a look of surprise written all over his face.
“Hey Thea!” Mr. Buckner said sounding like he had a lingering question on his mind. “Are you signing Ben up for the talent show?” He asked expecting me to say yes.
“No Mr. Buck, I’m signing myself up.” I replied with a big grin on my face. He responded by saying,
“Well, Thea you were the last person I would have thought to sign up for the talent show but here you are number one on the list. I look forward on seeing your talent in the auditions.” That gave me so much hope. I knew I had to get my routine down packed so I could show the whole school all of my moves. Every free moment I have, I must dedicate it to my dance routine. I could hear in the back of my mind, “Practice makes perfect!” in Grandma Cissie's sweet loving tone of voice.
Well done Thea, you followed all of the dialogue rules! The dialogue you chose really helps the reader to know your character better.
Delete"So what should we do?" Brooke asked
ReplyDelete"We could play truth or dare" I replied
"Like when we were kids?"'she asked
"We are kids" I assured her
"Okay" she laughed
" truth or dare?" I asked
"Dare" she answered
"I dare you to lick the wall" I whispered. Brooke stood up slowly and walked to the wall. She leaned in a pressed her tongue to the wall.
"Yuck" she screamed
"Hahahaha"' I laughed. She ran over and playfully flicked me in the arm.
"Ow!" I squealed
"Okay, truth or dare?" Brooke asked
"truth" I concluded
"What is one of the weirdest things that has happened to you since we got here?" She questioned.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI like this a lot! It actually makes me giggle a little bit, thinking about all of the silly games I've played. Nice use of speaker tags!
DeleteEverything was ready! My time machine sat beautifully in front of me, ready to be used. I took out my earplugs. Reluctant to stop listening to one of my favorite songs, “ When Will my Life Begin” from the disney movie, tangled. I had never gotten over Disney princesses.My mom had always told me-
ReplyDelete“ Joe, you are a full grown man in your thirties, it’s time you got over Disney princesses” and then she would say “ And Joe, while we’re on this topic, can we discuss the fact that you have a doctors degree in Harvard, and for some reason you keep wasting your time listening to Disney songs and doing these useless experiments?”
Useless? Ha! You call time travel useless? I was going to prove her wrong, I thought, as I slowly walked in, and set the machine to transport me back to November 27. It was currently November 28. The machine started to swirl. Everything around me became a blur, and then, just as quickly as it had begun, it stopped. It became quiet….to quiet. Slowly, I stepped out of the machine, and glanced at the calendar. It was still November 28. My time machine had failed.
I really liked the way that you used specific details about the man who is in his thirties and went to Harvard.
DeleteThis is really good! Nice details!
Delete“Jimmy. Jimmy wake up.” Ludwig whispered.
ReplyDelete“What is it?” Jimmy said sleepily
It was still dark out and none of the street lamps had turned on over night. Ludwig started to question whether the government would still be paying for electricity when this apocalypse was happening.
“Jimmy there are like hundreds of those creepy crawler things outside what should we do?” Ludwig whispered back.
“Well after all we did in fact secure this place very well so I I would just go to bed and not worry about it. Anyways when it becomes day, usually the zombies don't come out except in a rare while.”
“Alright. Goodnight.”
“Night Ludwig.”
At about 1:45 Jimmy and Ludwig finally woke up.
“Wow we slept really late.” Ludwig confirmed.
“Lets go check out the situation outside with those crawlers.” Jimmy exclaimed.
Like the names no mistakes that I found in the dialogue. : ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): )
Deleteunique names no mistakes. Great gob
DeleteThey took off headed back to Earth. It had been a surprising trip but the surprises were just beginning. When they got back to Earth they gave the Information and materials to the main Scientists. Albert left and went with the scientists. The rest of group went with Mike to the simulators to train fighting against something the size of the alen and with weaponry like the weapons they found. It was tough in the simulator and usually it’s harder in real life so they weren’t getting a positive attitude. They also trained with the alien weapons which were powerful but slightly less accurate than their guns but they had a slow rate of fire so their strategy was to sneak up on them and get close so they had the jump on them and their weapons were better suited. The Alien basically had armor built into it because their skin was so thick it could stop a bullet. The most incredible adaptation was the organs to being able to survive the pressure of deep open space. All in all they were sort of superhuman figures that were yet surprisingly humanoid like. It’s body was familiar yet alien. The muscles were similar but yet stronger. The body shape was more curved and the head had a long mane like piece of muscle that extended almost 3 feet. On the elbows there were a similar pieces of muscle but theses were sharp and bony. They could cut through thin steel and carbon fiber the could stop a low caliber bullet. The body if given electric charge would start “pressing buttons” very quickly as if to control the ship down which was probably what it was doing before the ship crashed.
ReplyDelete“The technology is amazing and so is the Alien all by itself!” admonished the Lead council member to Mike, “If we could learn how to build technology that small with that amount of power, technology on Earth would jump ahead in decades!”
“It’s amazing but what if the Aliens are hostile or there is another species that was hunting them?” asked Mike hypothetically “The one Alien we have could take out an entire marine squad and still be able to take out another dozen before going down, and thats with no armor! If they have armor like ours or even personal shields one Alien could take out hundreds of our men.”
“Then develop our own tech based of of their weapons and other tech make our personal shields and stronger armor!” The leader exclaimed “Do whatever it takes to be ready for anything they might be able to throw at us.”
“We’ve already made copies of the guns but we can’t make enough for the entire army. The materials are very costly and each takes at least a week even in the best engineers hands.” explained Mike.
“Build an assembly line with robots who are designed perfectly to build the weapons faster.” ordered The Leader.
“I’ll get right on it.” Mike responded
Nice, kind of like Enders game:)
DeleteVery creative and full of descriptions.
DeleteJohn Decker 11/3/14
ReplyDeleteEnglish Period 3
I didn’t know where I was or even who I was, I had just woken up in a crystal clear tube with perspiration dripping down the sides. I could hear a faint voice outside i think it was a man in a white lab coat, I could not see very well, thats when i hear it, a sound like no other, a loud siren and i recognized it it was a bell i have heard before i just dont know where i have heard it before. All of the sudden the glass around me shatters and the men in white lab coats start to panic.thats when i remember my name, I am chase nash but thats all i seem to remember. I see another person in a tube he was still knocked out unlike i was all the men had left the room in fear what were they so scared of. out of the corner of my eye i see the other man wake up, he seemed to know this place i unlock him from his glass tube immediately he falls to the ground but he is still awake he looks at me and says “so its time to start again” the man mutters, i ask “what do you mean” he says “what year do you think it is” i respond saying “1942” “listen” he explains “we are in 2042 and we are nearing the end of the world” i ask him “why am i here, why me?” “because they must believe you can save the world and crap like that” “wait” i respond quickly “whos they”
great job john. your awesome
Deletenice ending
Delete“ Miss? Your soup has arrived.” The nurse sighed. Oh dear. How many times did she say that already?
ReplyDelete“Miss?” The nurse repeated. I thought I replied already?
“Miss?” The nurse seemed annoyed, but fought to control her temper, as I was just a regular patient.
" What?"
" Beef?"
“ Yellow sweet squash mashed and stirred and broiled with bits of lean beef, and sprinkled with brasil.”
“ Sounds good.” I dazed off again and then was brought back to earth with a jolt.
“ Pineapple?”
“ WHAT?”
“ Pineapple. Your fruit. Would you like some extra pineapple?”
" Um." I stuttered. Pineapple wasn't my favorite.
“ You do know, we have watermelon?” The nurse inquired, as if reading my thoughts.
“ Yes please, then.”
“ Celery or parsley?”
“ Celery.” The nurse left and I sighed. When the nurse came rushing back, rather hurriedly, I wondered:
“ Uhm. Question, how should I stop my back from hurting?”
“ Stop moving around, eat, drink, and wait.” The nurse absently babbled. Wow. Helpful. She handed me the steaming hot soup.
“ But what if that doesn’t work?” I whined, writhing as a drop of soup splattered on my leg. She gave me a napkin and a spoon.
“ Then….. hmmmm….. wait.” The nurse seemed to not hear me.
“ But I don’t want to. Can I get some medicine or something?”
“ Well maybe if you sleep, everything will be fine.”
“ Well I could be fine if I was entertained. Is there a T.V. here?”
“ Fine.” The nurse snapped, and bustled out the door to fetch me a T.V., muttering as she went and earning stares from everyone else as she rolled it back.
Really good variety of speaker tags.
DeleteI like the way you created a personality for the nurse. I can really imagine her bustling around, grumpy and unhelpful. I've definitely met people like that.
DeleteTony Kinchen Period 3
ReplyDeleteYou know that feeling when you hear news so bad you wish you were dreaming. This was worse than that. “I'm a cyborg!” I screamed aloud.
“Well technically you're a nano borg but in syfy terms yes you are a cyborg.” Jack said
“All this time, and i never knew.” I said in shock.
“Doesn’t change how we feel about you. You’re still family.” She said. They all shook there head agreeing with her. They really were my family.
“So whats the plan.” Ryla asked me as she went to grab a computer.
“We need to find the factory.” I told them. They stared at me in shock.
“You're kidding right. I mean seriously come on jason according to this it shut down for some kind of ‘illness’ that killed the workers. Plus we barely made out of there last time ” Jack explained
“Hate to agree with motor mouth but he’s right. Besides even if it does still exist it’s probably being probed by agents.” Max explained as he put in some earbuds.
“Realy. You're listening to music at a time like this!” I yelled at him.
“What you know i listen to music when i'm stressed!” He yelled back. I could hear the stress in his voice. We’d all been through alot in the past month. Max was on the edge of sanity, Jack was tasked with watching my heart rate when i was unconscious, and Ryla stayed up day and night making sure nothing would happen to me. Not to mention the fact that Omega has probably been looking for us for a month.
“So when do we leave.” Ryla asked. Max and Jack looked at her in shock. We were the Factory’s oldest projects they were created 4 years after we were. They look to us for advice, help, and leadership.
“Tonight after everyone goes in there houses. So we don’t alert any agents or distinguishers when we leave.” I told them. I looked at there faces . Jack’s was hope Ryla’s was trust and Max’s of course was mischief.
“But what about your injuries.”Ryla asked worry in her face.
“It doesn't matter all that matters is that we ends this.” She looked at me worried
“Lets do this lets finish them off for good.” I told them.
NIce job Tony!!! Just remember to use a comma at the end if you follow up with a speaker tag. That lets the reader know that the sentence is not over yet. :)
Delete“So the aliens were just mutants all along?” Don asked. “Yeah and the U.F.O.s were just disguised helicopters,” the human revealed. “That explains why there are rods rotating on top of the U.F.O.s,” Michael exclaimed. “And why the mutants sound like cavemen and not talk normal.” “I tried to make them talk but I can only make them talk like a caveman,” the human explained. “Now you will die to all my mutants but wait, what happened to all my mutants?!.” “We destroyed your machine creates them so this invasion ends now!” announced Michael. “Aw man you got me and without the machine, the mutated jellos turn back to regular jellos and no more rayguns,” groaned the human. “If I haven’t started this conversation, then none of this would’ve happened.” The robot commander trapped the human with a cage and tried to escape with the other robots and Don and Michael but the door was tightly shut. They tried to escape by using the windows but the windows was reinforced with obsidian and uranium, same with the walls and the door.
ReplyDeleteNice job Ibtida, remember to start a new paragraph with a new speaker.
DeleteThanks for the advice. I copied and pasted this from my novel and it turns the way you see above.
DeleteI see Ibtida, you just needed to take a moment to fix it. I am glad that you understand the rules for dialogue though.
DeleteA few weeks pass and now it was the last week of deer season. I go to school today was friday I see john in the cafe and a walk up to him he immediately said to me “hey when can we go deer hunting the season almost over isn't it?” I replied “ya but are you ready you think?” john then muttered out “I believe im ready” . I tell john that we could go out hunting saturday but he will have to use his bow. John tells me “anything works as long as i'm in the woods” .
ReplyDeleteby chase nash p.3
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI really like your descriptions. The artistry of the words is great, and good use of figurative language.
DeleteI really like the way you described the anger "rising in her throat". It kinda gives me an image of her spitting out a mouthful of fire when she tells who I'm guessing is her mom how she feels. Nice job!
DeleteWhen we finished dinner, we walked across the room to the fireplace. I decided to start the conversation.
Delete“What do you think of Tibet?”
She looked off into the distance and smiled feintly. She inhaled then said, “I love it.” My brow furrowed.
“Why?” I questioned.
She responded, “It gives us a fresh start, ever since dad left, I felt I had cheated y--”
“you definitely cheated me, but how is pulling me away from everything that I have ever known improving this miserable reality that I am forever trapped in.” I felt anger rising in my throat. “I have no control over my life anymore, my head is under the water, and I am running out of air.”
Made Revisions...
Excellent! Just don't forget to add a question mark at the end of the dialogue where she is asking her mother a question, albeit, it sounds like a rhetorical question. Cheers.
DeleteI felt my heart sink,and I forgot about all the adventures we were going to have
ReplyDeletein the forest.No one said even a word,we all silently crept from the front door and into the hotel.We sat on the beautifully designed sofa.
“I feel my heart sink,I had been dreaming dreams till now,
but who knew they would never come true at least not for me,I felt the pain,it was the same pain
which I always feel when I am sad or disappointed,I stated as I sobbed.”
I know how you fell but it is not on us to decide what should happen to us,and anyway nothing is
going to change if you cry or sob,is it?”explained mom as I stopped sobbing and wiped of drops of tear from my face,and stood up and voiced “Mom you are right nothing is going to change if I give up".”That’s my girl!!!”she cried and dragged me close to her."
Peijing Li-4th Period
ReplyDelete“You are a good man, my son. I am waiting for this day all my life, and now you are full grown. I know you started the whole thing just for me. Thank you. I have never had the courage to even come close to a puppy when I was your age.” My father started.
“Yeah, I know. But after everything and some serious thinking back in the nasty cell, I realized I need to do something big to end poverty and free people like us. I want democracy and freedom. At first I perused that for us, now I fight for all the people.” I stated.
My father patted me, as if I did a great job in farming back in Clĩtonǽ. “Yes, my son. And I appreciate this. You should be able to make your own choices, in your own time. I have also made my choice.” He took out his shiny name tag, and pinned it onto his gray clothes.
“Okay, then.” I handed my father a drink. “I will sign you up the moment we arrive. Your number will be 1-320, for March twentieth.”
We talked rarely for the rest of the long hike through the mighty plateau in Upper Žuƀnią. However, after a few days or a few months, we started running low on food and water. That happens to almost every unprepared traveler in this country, especially those on the run. I only took a sip every few hours and ate a piece of packed bread every two days. I let father eat and drink as much as he wanted.
“Are sure about this? You are still growing and accomplishing something never done for centuries, and I am an old man who could die any day now. I do not want you starve to death.” Father added, after he received his second full piece of bread of the day.
“You brought me up, right?” I smiled. “And now it is time to repay this.”
Very cool dialogue Peijing, this is well thought out. It sounds like you have some great character development.
DeleteZachary Foley Period 4
ReplyDeleteThese men looked mad. “How could you get the coppers to find us. I thought you said it was safe!”
“The witness is dead now. I thought it was!” Argued Mr. Guthmore.
“Well I ain't stickin round.”
Said the other man as he began towards the door. “Bang!” Mr. Guthmore’s gunshot found it’s mark in the back of the mans back. “He was going to rat us out.” Mr. Guthmore said. “And I do not like being caught!”
Then Mr. Guthmore turned and noticed George. “What have you brought us Phil?”
George hesitated then replied “I caught him on the grounds and he wants to talk to you.”
“Phil, are you sick? Because you sound alot like a young boy I know named, Hmm what was it? George, yes George, and if I am not mistaken this is our little friend Damon. Shoot them boys, they told the cops.”
“Wait, the police are not real. They are just what I made your cameras show. I was simply exploiting the weaknesses of your security system and I had to do it because Damon and I had to thank you for the gift cards and your guards would not let us in. Damon is big in honor, and he would never live it down if he had not been able to thank you.”
“Well you have thanked me now and now that you have seen me with these gangsters you will just go and tell your father, the police chief, so naturally we can not let you go so you will be our prisoners until we kill you tomorrow.Lead them to the basement cells, to the oldest and wettest cell that you can find” Mr. Guthmore said.
Sorry, the conversation has been going on for a bit before this so the reader knew the speakers, but I cut that part out. Also I am changing the period on the first line to a question mark.
DeleteIn the morning when Chyanne woke-up she saw Savannah sleeping on her floor. Chyanne was freaked!@#$%^&*() Chyanne woke Savannah up with a stick because she was too scared to touch her. Savannah woke up wondering what happened to her.
ReplyDeleteSavannah questioned, “What happened to me”.
“You died and came back to life,” Chyanne explained.
“Stop lying! What happened to me?” Savannah cried.
“I’m telling you the truth. Do you want to go see your grave if its still there?” Chyanne confirmed.
“Sure, but I had the worst dream that took place in the graveyard,” Savannah grumbled.
good use of speaker tags
Deletegreat job chyanne no mistakes. great job.
Deleteyeah totally
DeleteMargaret Kops-kuveke Period 4
ReplyDeleteI look around at my friends with an alarmed look on my face. What is she doing? The alarm is loud in my ears, making it hard to think.
“Mrs. Calam!” I urge. “What are you doing?”
Mrs. Calam smirks at me. “My pretty girl,” she laughs. “Don’t ask so many questions,” With that, she slams her hand on the table. My chair pops off the ground for a split second and I gasp. “Now come with me,” she threatens. None of us make any attempt to move from our seats.
“I said now!” Mrs. Calam runs up to Hannah and grabs her arm.
“Get away from me!” Hannah shrieks, violently shaking.
Mrs. Calam growls. Like an animal. And that she is. She seems to have transformed into a monster. She looks like a minotaur from myths. Hannah eyes grow wide as saucers as she hits and yelps. “Stop it!” she protests.
Mrs. Calam snarls, “come with me!”
We all stagger after her as she heavily pants as if she has just ran a marathon.
"Where are you taking us?" Dj questions, panic stricken. Instead of answering, Mrs. Calam picks up the pace, and then she stops.
Mrs. Calum demands, "sit down." And points to six chairs. They are wooden with a bright red padding and gold embroidered designs. They show pictures of monsters, a Minotaur include of a maze. A really big maze.
"See that?" Mrs. Calam spins to the chairs and gestures to the gold thread part.
I nod my head, "yeah."
"Do you know what that is?"
"A chair?" Connor answers.
Mrs. Calam shrieks with delight and hysterically cackles.
interesting. great job
DeleteNice. Sounds really good.
Delete“Excuse me” I said.
ReplyDelete“Excuse me.” He mimicked in a high pitched voice.
“Could I stay here for the night?” I asked.
He parroted me again, “Could I stay here for the night?” Then he answered himself in a deeper voice. “No, you really can’t. So go away.” He looked straight at me now. “Go away.” he sneered. He gave me a shove.
“Oh no you didn’t.” I threatened with my hand on my hips.
“I actually did. Nothin’ you can do about it.”
“There is something I can do.” I made a ball of magic. His face paled more than I thought was possible.
“You can stay! Please don’t hurt me!” he pleaded.
Really funny. Nice speaker tags.
DeleteFelix Fairbrother period 4
ReplyDelete. It was night and the stars shown bright, I couln’t feel my back and hand and the rest of me was in sering pain. I knocked on the glass window that seperated the cab from the cold air.
“ You ok back there crocked a familiar voice” .
“ Yeah grandpa I think i’m alive” , I answered, feeling better already.
“ You gave me quite a scare I thought you were as dead as a doornail at first” he continued.
“ How did you find me I was in the middle of the wood’s after dark” I said.
George M. Period 4
ReplyDeleteThey spent days, even weeks to plan and design these new torpedoes. Bella asked, “George, are you sure these torpedoes are going to be worth it?” George replied proudly, “Why, I think that it will work, but we will have to test it on the U.S.S. Titan, and fire 1 torpedo at a harmless tree.”
Then Kelvin walked up and chimed in, “So, I heared that you all are working on another secret weapon. Man, those things can be real hard to make since you have to make something that overrides the other things.” “Yeah, that is the most hard part.” Gulped George and Alice. “The result can only be successful, or failing.” “I noticed.” cited Kelvin. “I just came out for a sniff of fresh air. The air ventilation system is doing repairs and there's the smell of soldering.” Complained Kelvin. “Yeah, you will get used to that smell, unless Dewitt comes to an agreement with the other school.
I stared him down.
ReplyDeleteHe stared me down.
We had a very long blinking contest, but finally he blinked, I cheered in excitement.
“Fine i’ll tell you the what you want.”
“Okay, I want the codes to stop The computer, from making anymore chicken robots.”
“Fine” He grumbled
“And i want enough Subway To last me forever.” I continued
“Fine. But that's it.” He barked
I smiled excitedly, I got the chicken codes, and TONS! of subway. I started to walk away but the chicken guy started to talk.
“Wait, The code is; 4444.”
“No offense but that's the lamest code ever”
So sad no one commented on my excerpt
DeleteHey Ian, your dialogue has a great dose of humor in it! On the other side, you need to what your caps and punctuation. Also, who is "He"? Speaker tags should clarify who your characters are. Cheers!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSounds very exciting! I think it will come out well
DeleteThis is the best story ever
DeleteWell that was the weirdest thing thats happened today. I tried to convince Guacum about my strange conversation “I told you it just started talking to me” i blurted
ReplyDelete“I'm telling you its not possible, maybe you just had music playing” He reasoned
“you gotta believe me, it really happened” i begged
“well i aint ok, so you better start talking sense”
“I knew you wouldn’t believe me” I accused
“Ok so what if I believe you? its not possible” He reasoned
capitalize your "i'
Deletenice name
Delete“Wow,” I thought. What a waste of time. Every single second counted on this journey to find Asha. She might be on the forest floor by now, curled up in a ball, cold and starving. But since it was night, my men needed to rest so that they could keep their strength up for the long journey ahead. I announced to my troop, “Today is enough. We will find a clearing big enough for us to stay for the night. Well, what are you waiting for? Get to it!”
ReplyDelete“Yes, sir,” chanted my men. I always knew they were loyal. They immediately split up, and jogged off to find a clearing.
As I waited, one of my men came out from the thick undergrowth. “Sir,” he said. “My group has found a clearing for us to stay.”
“Good. I’ll call the others.” And with that, I took out my shell horn, and blew into it. It was loud, and at once, men began appearing from the thick undergrowth. They surrounded me, and I announced the news. Then I told the man to lead us the way.
Awesome Alice. Your dialogue paints a clear picture for the reader!! You followed all the necessary dialogue rules also. Well done!
Delete“Sorry Mr. Leland, I got stuck with the new hallway changes.” I said as I tried to wiggle out of any punishment.
ReplyDelete“Alright, alright, that’s enough excuses for me young man, I’m too pro for your excuse. DETENTION FOR 500,000,000,000,000,000,000 HOURS YOUNG MAN!” Mr. Leland screamed!
My mouth then dropped to the floor, “WHAT! But Mr. Leland…..” I whined.
“LOL! I got you little boy, even if I can’t play games anymore, I can still trick you to walk on to Jupiter!”
Sounds super exciting! I think this will be a great story
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Delete“well my muerte boys won, so this is our property now and you're trespassing!” the knife flashed in the sun as bobby lunged towards him. james darted to the side, and bobby raised the knife for another attack. james grabbed a stick from the ground and hurled it at bobby. it bounced of his head like nothing happened but blood started pouring from his nose. james turned in panic and tried to escape but the boys with bobby tackled him and held him down.
ReplyDeletesounds interesting
Deletebuggin
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI found a phone and looked at my contact list and found a girl named sara i clicked on the contact and called her the phone rang and rang then there was a girls voice.
ReplyDeleteShe answered, “Hello.”
i “Hi”
the girl on the phone said “who is this”
“ziva”
the girl on the phone started yelling and saying WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN I HAVE BEEN SO WORRIED!
i asked are you sara?
sara answered with a squeak yes!
where are are you?
i answered “i’m outside of a thai restaurant”
it sounds interesting!
DeleteDear Opal,
ReplyDeleteWe are excited to inform you that you have been accepted into the Black Lotus Academy. This residential school has a long, distinguished history but a very low profile. Black Lotus recruits students from around the world who whose special talents and aptitudes are brought to our attention. We think that you would greatly benefit from our martial arts focus. In two weeks time, we will offer a session for prospective students and their parents to view the school and learn more about our special program. Most parents find this session informative and reassuring. We hope to see you there.
Sincerely,
Headmaster T. S. Hidakius
I think the letter is really cool, but I'm not quite sure how it's showing the dialogue in your story ( although it uses some GREAT vocab!).
DeleteAgreed, the letter is cool but you need to chose an excerpt with a conversation (dialogue) between characters.
DeleteThe driver looked over and nodded to them and jumped into the water and started swimming away. They all jumped and yelled.
ReplyDelete“WHAT ARE YOU DOING? COMEBACK!” Michael screamed.
“Where does he think he’s going?” Jessica said with a crack in her voice trying to choke back tears.
Teala shook her head. “I don’t know. But guys, where are we?” Michael looked around and then sighed. “I don’t know. And we’re in the middle of the lake or ocean? I don’t even know where we are so-” he started panicking which was very common for him. Teala rolled her eyes. Jessica gasped. ‘Wait guys what’s that over there?” she pointed to a huge spot of land that they couldn’t really see too well, but well enough to know it was there.
HAIIIIIIII. good story btw
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThats nice
Deleteinteresting ;0
Deletenice bruh
Delete“Well, I reckon she is the one who wrote the letter and it said to pack some clothes so we should pack some essentials,” Sandra said with excitement. She had always wanted to go on a mysterious adventure.
ReplyDelete“Are you crazy!” Aria said, thoroughly annoyed .
“Girls, can I come in?” Elizabeth called up the stairs.
“Just a minute please,” the twins called down.
“Grab a suitcase, pack some things and meet me here in a few minutes,” Sandra said. “Okay.”
“Okay,” Aria said, uncertainly.
Nice work presenting your dialogue. All the rules were observed and the excerpt you chose helps to understand your characters.
Delete“I’m sure this will end soon.” He sounded completely confident. “Surely everyone will see how horrific these people are acting and do something about it."
ReplyDelete“I’m not sure these police are completely human,” I said darkly.
“No, I see what you mean”. He laughed without humor.
“Such abhorrent ways of mentally torturing people.” I was utterly revolted.
“And how does that benefit them?”
Great writing!!!!
Delete“What time should me does the bus get here again?” I asked.
ReplyDelete“I dont know, but extremely late!” Cameran laughed into his words.
“this is officially taking to long. We should just hitchhike” i complain.
“Okay” Cameran jokes. But to my surprise he walks up and actually sticks his thumb out to the cars driving by. I can’t help but laugh.
“Stop!” i laugh into my words”
“fine, fine” he mutters.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete“Psst!” yelled a mysterious voice from the corner of the hall.
ReplyDelete“What!” I shouted curiously spinning around super fast. I didn’t want anyone to catch me studying.
“Hey Fred, in here!” the voice whispered even quieter. I kept spinning around in circles until I saw Fred staring back at me. “What are you doing?” he scowled.
“Where were you during Science today?” I blurted.
“I’ll tell you inside,” he whispered excitedly. We walked into an empty classroom with the lights turned off.
“What! I have to do something real quick,” I hollered.
“Don’t worry. It won’t take long,” He pulled out a wooden chair and sat down. I was still standing. “So, remember how my sister was being soooo annoying last night?” I nodded. “Well I thought of the perfect way to get back at her! She has tea parties with her stuffed animals everyday around 7:00 in her room. So when I get back home, I will put beans in all of the tea cups so we’ll be even.”
“B-beans?” I stuttered. “that’s it?”
“She’s allergic to beans!” he laughed.
Hillarious dialogue and character development. Just remember to capitalize each new quote.
DeleteThe night was cold. The wind was continually rising, whipping through the four’s clothes. The icy air was freezing them, making their teeth chatter, all of them huddling together.
ReplyDelete“You sure…?” Amanda left the question hanging like a stone about to drop above their heads.
“Yes. Now is the time to act.” The other voice- Aris’s- replied with a warming surety.
At that the four stood up noticeably straighter, without their previous hunch, and separated. They just stared ahead of them for a moment in silence, all thinking the same thought. For that moment, they were one.
Then one let out a soft breath. “Alright, Kara, we’ll enter through the left staircase to the servant’s chamber, and you guys,” Aris motioned to the other two participants in their plan, Amanda and Leo. “Will be entering through the back. Take two right turns, one left, and you’ll see it’s the first door on the right. If you guys have managed to attract no attention at that point, then try to sneak into the room, and we hopefully will have the security unlocked by then and will have to make a run for the key.” He paused for a breath.
“Remember, this is hoping that nothing goes wrong in the process. If it does, you guys have one of the clock hands, so if you aren’t able to escape, then you can use it CAREFULLY. Remember what happened last time. We’ll most likely make it unharmed long enough to disable the security, so if you guys can make it that long then we might have a chance.”
He took a few deep breaths.
“Okay, boss,” Kara interjected, her voice dripping with thick sarcasm.
Aris gave her a look saying shutup,then sighed as he spoke. “And, all of you, just know that even if we don’t make it, at least we’ll have lost for the right reason, right?” He asked it as not really an actually question, but as a sort of prep talk. “So…” he continued. “Ready?”
They all gave each other one last look. And unexpectedly, they were all grinning. A new feeling had seeped into the air surrounding them. The anticipation of what was coming had suddenly filled them with a surging energy, an odd excitement that made their fear dull dramatically.
No one replied, but just separated, still grinning, and sprinted through the cold night air.
“Hey, Matt. You doing alright?” Jake asked.
ReplyDelete“Yeah. Fine. Where are we going? I don’t know what happened after getting hit with a brick.” Matt replied confusedly. He looked at the new pile of food and soda on the floor of the van and grabbed a root beer. He chugged it and threw the empty can at the back of Jake’s head.
“Oy! Cut it out!” Jake yelled, looking at them. He looked back at the road, and yelled as the car almost rolled off the gravel street,”Agh! Look what you made me do!”
“Sorry,” Matt smirked.
“Sure. Anyway, we’ve been driving for a while, but I don’t know if this is the right way. We’re going to Alaska, right?” Jake asked.
Matt’s eyes widened,”You’ve been driving for an hour, and you weren’t even sure we were going the right way?”
“So… I shouldn’t be going towards Alaska?” He grabbed a bag of chips as he spoke,”Because I’ve driven us really far.”
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete“Raoul, my master has sent me to retrieve you.” Fern and I exchanged confused looks. “Raoul has selected both of you to help him on this guess you may call it a quest, but I must let him tell you the details when you meet him.”
ReplyDelete“Why us?” I wondered.
“I expect he will explain that as well, now we must leave immediately,”
Fern and both looked at him, “But how, we can’t just leave,” Fern questioned, looking concerned.
“Well you’re going to have to sweetheart, I sent a letter to your parents with a fake excuse that should work for awhile,” this seemed to calm Fern down a little although she looked a little angry that this stranger had just called her “sweetheart.”
“Alright you fools follow me, if Raoul is right about you ladies,” he joked,
“You’ll probably survive.”
Intriguing, your dialogue brings the reader in and easily develops your characters further into the story.
DeleteI hear a groan in the corner of the room, followed by a metal clang, and a loud,
ReplyDelete“OUCH!”
“Matty? I falter in the darkness.
“Kara?” Matty replies. I scoot over towards the corner I hear the noise from, and kick my leg out, hoping he’ll feel it.
“Ow! Is that you Kara?”
“Yes, it’s me. Thank goodness you’re here. I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m scared.”
“Me too,” he manages, his voice soft and fluctuating. “Do you think this is about Mom?”
“I don’t know, but something is really wrong.” I start to tear up, and I hope Matty can’t see it. I can hear him sobbing in his cold corner, so I hold him closely and whisper to him,
“It’s going to be alright. Mom’s gonna be fine, and so are we.” I hear a loud screech and a metallic clang, and I look up to the door. Hera and Dover are here, both confused and struggling to move.
“Hera!” I cry, and move over towards her and Dover. Matty goes to Dover and hugs him, scared and cold.
“Kara? I can’t see anything! What’s happening?” She breaks down onto the ground and heaves, making a big, wet stain on the metal floor. A light flickers on, and I adjust my eyes to the brightness. I can see that the room is old and metal, sterile looking. Dover looks around the room in awe and rubs his eyes.
“They didn’t cuff you?” Matty asks. Dover looks down at his hands.
“No, my hands are free.”
“Hera, they didn’t cuff you either?” I ask her.
“No, they didn’t,” she whimpers. “Did they cuff you?”
“Yeah, Me and Matty.” I pull hands out to the side to show her, and unintentionally fall on my stomach. Dover comes over to me and pulls me up, then asks if I have a bobby pin.
“I do, but why?” I reply.
“You’ll see,” he says intently, and sticks my bobby pin into the lock. He pulls it back out, and I feel my hands slip out of the metal cuffs.
“They didn’t even put a code in it,” he smirks. He then goes over to Matty to do the same thing. Once we all have our hands free, we huddle together in the corner. Matty pulls his coat over him and Dover, and I pull my pink apron over Hera and me. The metal floor is cold and unforgiving, but the apron will provide us some warmth. I can see that Matty is scared, clutching Dover as if he were his teddy bear. He’s so small and childish, I don’t know if he can take what’s happening to us. And if this ends like I think it will, he might break. I can’t let him get hurt, even if it costs me my life.
-Rose Zabel, Period 3
Superb, well done Rose.
DeleteWhen we wake up John is yelling at me to Wake up, “Whats going on dude! THERES A HOARD LETS GO!!!! . The Back door lets go , the only thing that was going through my mind is run . We smash through the door and go into a full sprint .
ReplyDelete“Get in the car Now” I scream . We run into my dads car and see the keys in the glovebox . Vvvvrrrrooommm. Whoah!!! I clearly did not know how to drive so a few mailboxes were damaged and fences but I kinda got the hang of it. We gotta get to Dick’s so I speed up and almost crashed into a deformed zombie creature.
“Were almost there,” Chase blurts out, we all could see it in the distance, an all we can eat buffet but instead of food, guns.
About the author
ReplyDeleteMy name is Tony Kinchen and I go to dewitt middle school. As an english student i’ve always enjoyed it when we did story creating assignments. I enjoyed the fact that i could create a story in just a matter of minutes just by creating a fantasy world. I have enjoyed english this year because i learned new skills that can assist me in creating my own adventure stories.
Alpha Team
Prologue: Welcome to our lives
Before I tell you this, you have to do something for me. You have to open your minds to the impossible. The reason I’m telling you this is because what I am about to tell you may seem somewhat as a sci fi adventure movie, but unfortunately its my life, our lives. Jack, Max, Ryla, and myself were not your typical teenagers. A scientific division in U.S.A’s biological weapons division genetically altered us to be used as biological warfare weapons, living weapons. Each of us were genetically changed so that are skin creates an armor stronger than titanium that gives us unreal abilities. We were each given a specific ability assigned to us based on our height, age, and blood type under the codename of “cyber soldiers”.
Unfortunately, our armors are genetically grafted into us. If we try to separate ourselves from our armors it will be as trying to rip our skin off our flesh. We were each supposed to be sent to different parts of the U.S (Washington, Texas, Mexico you name it) to be used as a last resort to contain things normal police forces could not handle such as riots and revolts. A couple others including myself were deemed “successful” and were going to be shipped out as a new type of law enforcement in Mexico to keep riots from breaking out as they did over the discussion about the border control crisis. Luckily, though we escaped when a “failed experiment” created with a self-destruct feature spontaneously exploded. We managed to leave unnoticed but ever since we have had to deal with agents, generals, and scientist that either wanted to use us as weapons or experiments. However, they were nothing compared to Omega. In case you are wondering Omega is basically our hunter and were the prey. For every group of Alphas there was one Omega to keep them in check. After the factory explosion only one Omega remained operational and he was sent out by the agents to find everyone like us. I know what you are thinking “big deal one guy wants to capture you” but this is not a normal agent we can take in 2 minutes, he has armor that adapts to any cyber soldier he is sent after. Armor that is genetically grafted into his DNA just like ours.
Now that I got that unpleasant business out of the way, let me tell you about my family. Jack goes to fast, literally he can go up to 475 miles a minute! He is 5 feet four inches 13 years old tan and extremely annoying (don't tell him I said that or I’ll never hear the end of it). Max is a young African boy the same height and age as Jack and is Jack's partner in crime. He can generate electronic shields that spring up on command and can be thrown as hand grenades. He mainly uses this ability to prank us and then uses the shields as protection from our wrath (literally), but in general their both good kids that look out for each other as brothers. Ryla is the same age as me and is 5 feet 4 inches has blackish brown hair and she is able to sense other living things life signature a mile away, if it was not for her we would have been caught by Omega or the Agents a long time ago. Ryla and I are the oldest ones in the group and Jack and Max are the youngest ones in the group. We may all come from different pasts but we are all a family and we share the same future. Who am I you ask? My name is Jason I’m 6 feet 2 inches 16 years old and I am 15 times stronger than the strongest man in the world. Welcome to our lives!
About the author
DeleteMy name is Tony Kinchen and I go to dewitt middle school. As an english student i’ve always enjoyed it when we did story creating assignments. I enjoyed the fact that i could create a story in just a matter of minutes just by creating a fantasy world. I have enjoyed english this year because i learned new skills that can assist me in creating my own adventure stories.
Alpha Team
Prologue: Welcome to our lives
Before I tell you this, you have to do something for me. You have to open your minds to the impossible. The reason I’m telling you this is because what I am about to tell you may seem somewhat as a sci fi adventure movie, but unfortunately its my life, our lives. Jack, Max, Ryla, and myself were not your typical teenagers. A scientific division in U.S.A’s biological weapons division genetically altered us to be used as biological warfare weapons, living weapons. Each of us were genetically changed so that are skin creates an armor stronger than titanium that gives us unreal abilities. We were each given a specific ability assigned to us based on our height, age, and blood type under the codename of “cyber soldiers”.
Unfortunately, our armors are genetically grafted into us. If we try to separate ourselves from our armors it will be as trying to rip our skin off our flesh. We were each supposed to be sent to different parts of the U.S (Washington, Texas, Mexico you name it) to be used as a last resort to contain things normal police forces could not handle such as riots and revolts. A couple others including myself were deemed “successful” and were going to be shipped out as a new type of law enforcement in Mexico to keep riots from breaking out as they did over the discussion about the border control crisis. Luckily, though we escaped when a “failed experiment” created with a self-destruct feature spontaneously exploded. We managed to leave unnoticed but ever since we have had to deal with agents, generals, and scientist that either wanted to use us as weapons or experiments. However, they were nothing compared to Omega. In case you are wondering Omega is basically our hunter and were the prey. For every group of Alphas there was one Omega to keep them in check. After the factory explosion only one Omega remained operational and he was sent out by the agents to find everyone like us. I know what you are thinking “big deal one guy wants to capture you” but this is not a normal agent we can take in 2 minutes, he has armor that adapts to any cyber soldier he is sent after. Armor that is genetically grafted into his DNA just like ours.
Now that I got that unpleasant business out of the way, let me tell you about my family. Jack goes to fast, literally he can go up to 475 miles a minute! He is 5 feet four inches 13 years old tan and extremely annoying (don't tell him I said that or I’ll never hear the end of it). Max is a young African boy the same height and age as Jack and is Jack's partner in crime. He can generate electronic shields that spring up on command and can be thrown as hand grenades. He mainly uses this ability to prank us and then uses the shields as protection from our wrath (literally), but in general their both good kids that look out for each other as brothers. Ryla is the same age as me and is 5 feet 4 inches has blackish brown hair and she is able to sense other living things life signature a mile away, if it was not for her we would have been caught by Omega or the Agents a long time ago. Ryla and I are the oldest ones in the group and Jack and Max are the youngest ones in the group. We may all come from different pasts but we are all a family and we share the same future. Who am I you ask? My name is Jason I’m 6 feet 2 inches 16 years old and I am 15 times stronger than the strongest man in the world. Welcome to our lives!