Nanowrimo- Happy Ending

Hannah Wendel 6/16/15

English                Period 8

Context and Reflection

I have chosen an excerpt from the end of my novel which I wrote for the nanowrimo novel activity in November. I have decided to chose this piece of writing because I wrote it in the beginning of the year, therefore this revision will show my improvement over this year. This piece of writing did not have much flavor, and I decided to add more to it. As this is an excerpt and it is supposed to draw the reader in, I really want to make it interesting. I made the dialogue better in the excerpt since most of it consists of dialogue. Also I have added the main characters' feelings and inside thoughts.

Original date made- 12/4/14

Revision date- 6/17/15           Period 8

 Nanowrimo Excerpt

With all three killers tied up in the corner, there was nothing left to do but call the authorities. After about 15 minutes of awkward silence while Jake, Drew, and the other agents waited, the authorities came. Five men and women barged through the door. “Well, thank you boys for catching some of the top criminals out there,” the chief exclaimed proudly “But chief, these kids did nothing. We did more than them!” an officer behind him protested. “Oh, compose yourself George!” the chief demanded.

As all three bandits were being dragged out of the house, one of the criminals spoke, “Don’t let these men drag us away! We never did anything to you.” At that very moment Jake felt a pang of sadness flush through his body because one of the criminals had taken care of them for a long time. “Don’t let them get in your head man,” Drew comforted. “You’re tough. You can handle this.”

After everyone had left, there was only Jake, Drew and Agent Farley remaining. “Boys, seeing as your caregiver is a murderer, I was wondering if you would like a father,” Agent Farley said quietly. As the boys stared blankly at him, Farley felt worried that they would say, “no.” 

“Only if you are up to it. It can be temporary until another family adopts you,” Farley quickly added. The boys continued to say nothing with their mouths open. As the seconds wore on, Farley started to regret his statement.

Jake thought to himself, “The coolest secret agent ever wants to adopt us! I feel woozy, I am so excited I don’t know what to say.” Finally Jake spoke, “Oh my gosh, Farley, that would be great!” 

Drew was so happy he could barely speak. He said, “Ya, Farley that would be amazing.” 

Farley thought to himself , “The kids like my idea! I am so happy to finally start a family. Ok, now just play it cool.” Farley mumbled under his breath “Please just call me Charles.” Farley recognized how cheesy he sounded and blushed. Then out of nowhere, the boys both instinctively hugged their new dad, Charles.

About the Author

My name is Hannah Wendel, and I have been in this district since kindergarten. I moved to Ithaca when I was two years old, and I went to Northeast Elementary then Dewitt. I am in 7th grade, and I believe I have improved drastically as a writer since 6th grade. I was a pretty good English student last year, but I did not understand the concepts. This year I believe that I have learned a lot more. This includes using my GUMS to edit and write a good piece of work. I was never very good with commas, and I have gotten much better at using them. The class this year has slowed things down so that I could understand literary elements, how to write dialogue, and figurative language. I believe that I have made a huge stride of improvement during the course of this year’s Eighth period English class.