Slice of Life

Sofia Diorio English

6/19/15 Period: 1

Context & Reflection

For my Final Exam I chose to revise "Flying High in the Sky" which is a slice of life that I wrote in the middle of the year. I chose this piece because it shows off my ability to use Figurative language like imagery, similes, and metaphors. The writing was also about a special experience in my life, and everytime I read this Slice of Life, it takes me back to Sky Zone(where the event happened). I chose this piece because it really expresses my techniques as a writer. Before I revised the piece it had good detail and structure, but what it needed was personality and figurative language that would help the readers connect to the piece. Once I had added more figurative language and detail, the piece started to come together as something that just said Sofia.

When revising I added more figurative language that could make the reader experience it for themselves. I also fixed punctuation to make the piece flow more easily, and clearly show the string of events. I also added more detail to the piece and fully described the feelings that I was having in the moment. Once I added more detail, imagery, similes, and punctuation, I feel that the piece truly described the event in the best way possible, and still lets the reader interpret it in their own way.

Slice of Life

Flying High in the Sky

It was my turn to go, I stepped forward with a combined feeling of nervousness and anxiousness. As I felt the soft fuzzy ground beneath my feet, I took an enormous breath in, filling up my lungs to the brink, and bent my knees about to go. I jumped forward still holding my breath. When I first made contact with the trampoline I sunk down instantaneously. The smell of humidity and sweat in the air, I took a long jump forwards almost falling off the edge, feeling like a baby bird taking the first terrifying leap into the air. My heart pounded like an ongoing earthquake. I lifted my arms to the sky and hurled myself forwards while tucking into a ball and completing a front flip. The air flowing past my face pushing the beads of sweat into streams down my face. My eyes only catching a blur of the people and environment behind me.  Awaiting contact with the foam blocks of the pit, I felt my nervousness melt away like ice on a hot summer day. Landing in the pit I was absorbed by softness. It was like lying on a cloud, weightless and absent minded. I was in my own world for fraction of a second, but as I lifted my head I was dropped back into reality and my heart beat faded away into the ambiance. It was my turn to get out, it was difficult like climbing out of a pit of quicksand. It felt like someone was pulling me down, a pair of hands wrapped around my ankles tugging me against my will. I could feel their eyes burning a hole in the back of my head, the pressure to climb out quickly was like a lowering weight on my arms, almost crumbling beneath the pressure I dragged myself forwards and lifted myself out onto the trampoline. Gasping for breath, I felt the weight lift up and I was free. I climbed over the familiar fuzzy ground and searched for Goldali.  "Lets do it again!" I said to her as we met up afterwards.

About the Author

Hello, I am a 7th grade  student at DeWitt Middle School. Last year I would've considered myself an average english student. I had knowledge of writing last year, but this year my true english student blossomed. I found myself utilizing the knowledge that I had learned, like the use of figurative language throughout my pieces. Last year I could write a piece about something and meet the criteria, but this year I can use that information and add something special through words to make others see what I can and make the piece special. I have definitely improved my skills as an english student through figurative language, character dialogue, transitions, the Rhetorical Triangle, punctuation, grammar, and introductions. Now that I know how to use these elements of writing, it has brought my writing to the next level. I think that I have improved greatly comparing this year to last year, and hope to keep growing as a writer and english student in the years to come.