Valentino Cheek                                                                                                                                           English 

6/17/15                                                                                                                                                                Per. 3

English Final

Context

The excerpt you are about to read came from my nanowrimo story, which I did earlier this year. I chose this piece because it is one of my favorite parts of my story, but I felt that some of the sentences seemed kind of awkward and badly worded. I also I hope you enjoy.

Excerpt

They took off headed back to Earth. It had been a surprising trip but the surprises were just beginning. When they got back to Earth they gave the information about the alien and materials that were in the ship to the scientists at the military school, as they would more easily recognize weaponry if the aliens were hostile. The information and materials would then be moved to biological scientists and then to technology experts. Albert left and went with the scientists, while the rest of group went with Mike to train.

They started a simulator, which made enemies that were similar in size and had similar weaponry. It was hard in the simulator, which discouraged the group because the simulator is usually harder than real life. They also trained with the alien weapons, which had a little bit more power than their guns, but they had a slow rate of fire and less accuracy.

The Alien basically had armor built into it. Its skin was so thick, it could stop a .50 caliber bullet. The most incredible adaptation was the organs being able to survive the pressure of deep open space. All in all they were sort of superhuman figures that were surprisingly humanoid-like. Its body was familiar yet alien. The muscles were similarly shaped and positioned but yet stronger. The body shape was more curved and the head had a long mane-like piece of muscle that extended almost 3 feet. On the elbows there were a similar pieces of muscle but theses were sharp and bony. They could cut through thin steel and carbon fiber the could stop a low caliber bullet.

“The technology is amazing and so is the Alien all by itself!”admonished the Lead council member to Mike. “If we could learn how to build technology that small with that amount of power, technology on Earth would jump ahead decades!”

“It’s amazing, but what if the Aliens are hostile or there is another species that was hunting them?” asked Mike hypothetically. “The one Alien we have could take out an entire marine squad and still be able to take out another dozen before going down, and that's with no armor! If they have armor like ours or even personal shields one Alien could take out hundreds of our men.”

“Then develop our own tech based off of their weapons and other tech to make our personal shields and stronger armor!” the leader exclaimed. “Do whatever it takes to be ready for anything they might be able to throw at us.”

“We’ve already made copies of the guns, but we can’t make enough for the entire army. The materials are very costly and each takes at least a week even in the best engineers hands,” explained Mike.

“Build an assembly line with robots who are designed perfectly to build the weapons faster,” ordered The Leader.

“I’ll get right on it,” Mike responded.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

    Hello, my name is Valentino Cheek. I enjoy reading, playing sports such as hockey and golf, and playing video games. I really like to read sci-fi and comedy. A few of my favorite authors are Tom Clancy (Rainbow Six), Orson Scott Card (Ender's Game), and Douglas Adam (A Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy).  I feel that I’ve improved greatly from sixth grade. I’ve learned more about how to cite my work, make better intros and conclusions, and apply better descriptions. I want to thank my teachers and I hope you enjoyed the writing.