Context and Reflection
I chose to revise an excerpt from my nanowrimo story, “Where the sun sets in the West”. This gives me a chance to use dialogue between characters. I chose this piece because I knew there was a lot more I could add to it and develop the story more with the skills I have learned since when I first wrote this piece in November. I added more imagery and other things like hyperboles, personification etc. to make the story more interesting. I reread this piece before revising it and I realized how boring it is despite what I might have thought when I wrote it.
Enter my Dreams
The trio walked along Tidewater avenue until they reached a small log cabin with smoke spiraling out of the chimney. Sabien knocked on the wooden door which had a bright red sign that read “Iris Mountain Lodge” in fancy white script.
I opened my mouth to ask what in the world we were doing in a ski lodge at a time like this when I was interrupted by the creak of the door opening and a frantic face of a woman peering out. She opened the door fully revealing herself, she looked quite young with her long blond hair pulled back in a braid, she was wearing a deep blue sweater advertising the same thing written on the door. She wore a circular nametag decorated with flowers reading the name, Sapphire. Her name definately described her sparkling blue eyes and shimmery appearance. She had to be no older than 20. You could tell from her eyes she was young and wild even if it may come off that way at first. She studied Fern, then me, then let her eyes rest on Sabien then grinned and joyfully exclaimed, “Sabien at last, I have missed you.”
“It has been a long time, hasn’t it my friend” He laughed.
“Well, what are you doing just standing there. Come in and tell me how I can help you and your friends,” She smiled at Fern and I.
“Of course how rude sorry. Sapphire this is Fern and Zara, Fern and Zara this is Sapphire.”
“Nice to meet you, I assume you’d be the ones to take on the task…”
“Yes, indeed,” Sabien finished “Speaking of that,”
“Yes about that,” She turned and bent beneath the check-in desk then handed a small dagger to Fern and a wooden bow with a quiver of arrows to me. Fern and I exchanged confused looks as Sapphire then produced a letter from the brown bag slung around her shoulder. Then she handed the letter to Sabien, “Directions from Raoul, he couldn’t make it here himself but this arrived just before you did.” Sabien looked disappointed but Sapphire quickly added “But it really should help, hey why don’t you get some rest while the girls and I spend some time together. With that he trotted off quickly and headed towards the stairs.
Sapphire gestured for us to sit down and brought over a pot of tea, then sat down next to Fern.
“You must be getting curious by now about well, everything,” Sapphire inquired.
Fern and I nodded.
“I figured, certainly you must be wondering what your doing at a ski resort?” Fern and I nodded. “I figured. You're here because this is where Raoul had meant to meet you but something tied him up so he was unable to make it but, this is one of his disguised camps. This one in particular named after his daughter, Iris,” She explained, “You were brought here so we could prepare you for the danger of the mission, we have information from Raoul, and I am here to arm you with weapons. You must be wondering about the ones that I gave you. I know you probably don’t have much experience with weapons but I know you can learn quickly and trust me I know those weapons were made for you. Zara, you’ll be a master archer and Fern you’re destined to be a pro with that beautiful dagger.” She winked and stood up, “You two better get some rest as well. You won’t be leaving until tomorrow but I expect you’ll need some sleep.” We followed her to a small bedroom on the second floor and thanked her before she headed off to attend to the real guests needs. Fern looked at me and yawned, I shrugged
“Now that was one long day,” She laughed then layed down and fell asleep within seconds. It honestly seemed that tiny ball of fire could fall asleep anywhere at anytime.I found myself in dreams as well just a few minutes later and as I finally laid down I realised how tired I was. Fern was right, what a day where everything happened so fast and all at once. It was obvious our life had definitely changed but I knew it was for the better.
I chose to revise an excerpt from my nanowrimo story, “Where the sun sets in the West”. This gives me a chance to use dialogue between characters. I chose this piece because I knew there was a lot more I could add to it and develop the story more with the skills I have learned since when I first wrote this piece in November. I added more imagery and other things like hyperboles, personification etc. to make the story more interesting. I reread this piece before revising it and I realized how boring it is despite what I might have thought when I wrote it.
Enter my Dreams
The trio walked along Tidewater avenue until they reached a small log cabin with smoke spiraling out of the chimney. Sabien knocked on the wooden door which had a bright red sign that read “Iris Mountain Lodge” in fancy white script.
I opened my mouth to ask what in the world we were doing in a ski lodge at a time like this when I was interrupted by the creak of the door opening and a frantic face of a woman peering out. She opened the door fully revealing herself, she looked quite young with her long blond hair pulled back in a braid, she was wearing a deep blue sweater advertising the same thing written on the door. She wore a circular nametag decorated with flowers reading the name, Sapphire. Her name definately described her sparkling blue eyes and shimmery appearance. She had to be no older than 20. You could tell from her eyes she was young and wild even if it may come off that way at first. She studied Fern, then me, then let her eyes rest on Sabien then grinned and joyfully exclaimed, “Sabien at last, I have missed you.”
“It has been a long time, hasn’t it my friend” He laughed.
“Well, what are you doing just standing there. Come in and tell me how I can help you and your friends,” She smiled at Fern and I.
“Of course how rude sorry. Sapphire this is Fern and Zara, Fern and Zara this is Sapphire.”
“Nice to meet you, I assume you’d be the ones to take on the task…”
“Yes, indeed,” Sabien finished “Speaking of that,”
“Yes about that,” She turned and bent beneath the check-in desk then handed a small dagger to Fern and a wooden bow with a quiver of arrows to me. Fern and I exchanged confused looks as Sapphire then produced a letter from the brown bag slung around her shoulder. Then she handed the letter to Sabien, “Directions from Raoul, he couldn’t make it here himself but this arrived just before you did.” Sabien looked disappointed but Sapphire quickly added “But it really should help, hey why don’t you get some rest while the girls and I spend some time together. With that he trotted off quickly and headed towards the stairs.
Sapphire gestured for us to sit down and brought over a pot of tea, then sat down next to Fern.
“You must be getting curious by now about well, everything,” Sapphire inquired.
Fern and I nodded.
“I figured, certainly you must be wondering what your doing at a ski resort?” Fern and I nodded. “I figured. You're here because this is where Raoul had meant to meet you but something tied him up so he was unable to make it but, this is one of his disguised camps. This one in particular named after his daughter, Iris,” She explained, “You were brought here so we could prepare you for the danger of the mission, we have information from Raoul, and I am here to arm you with weapons. You must be wondering about the ones that I gave you. I know you probably don’t have much experience with weapons but I know you can learn quickly and trust me I know those weapons were made for you. Zara, you’ll be a master archer and Fern you’re destined to be a pro with that beautiful dagger.” She winked and stood up, “You two better get some rest as well. You won’t be leaving until tomorrow but I expect you’ll need some sleep.” We followed her to a small bedroom on the second floor and thanked her before she headed off to attend to the real guests needs. Fern looked at me and yawned, I shrugged
“Now that was one long day,” She laughed then layed down and fell asleep within seconds. It honestly seemed that tiny ball of fire could fall asleep anywhere at anytime.I found myself in dreams as well just a few minutes later and as I finally laid down I realised how tired I was. Fern was right, what a day where everything happened so fast and all at once. It was obvious our life had definitely changed but I knew it was for the better.
About the Author
I’m Kayla and I’m a 7th grader at DeWitt Middle School. My writing has definitely improved since last year, the quality as well as the GUMS. Reading pieces like this or other things from the beginning of the year really prove that I have improved. HAHA. One specific thing I have improved in is quotes, how to use them and how to explain them. In November when I wrote this nanowrimo piece I learned to use different words after dialogue instead of just saying “said bobby” or whatever.
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