Nanowrimo - Excerpt from: Where the sun sets in the West

Context and Reflection
I chose to revise an excerpt from my nanowrimo story, “Where the sun sets in the West”. This gives me a chance to use dialogue between characters. I chose this piece because I knew there was a lot more I could add to it and develop the story more with the skills I have learned since when I first wrote this piece in November. I added more imagery and other things like hyperboles, personification etc. to make the story more interesting. I reread this piece before revising it and I realized how boring it is despite what I might have thought when I wrote it.   

Enter my Dreams
The trio walked along Tidewater avenue until they reached a small log cabin with smoke spiraling out of the chimney. Sabien knocked on the wooden door which had a bright red sign that read “Iris Mountain Lodge” in fancy white script.
I opened my mouth to ask what in the world we were doing in a ski lodge at a time like this when I was interrupted by the creak of the door opening and a frantic face of a woman peering out. She opened the door fully revealing herself, she looked quite young with her long blond hair pulled back in a braid, she was wearing a deep blue sweater advertising the same thing written on the door. She wore a circular nametag decorated with flowers reading the name, Sapphire. Her name definately described her sparkling blue eyes and shimmery appearance. She had to be no older than 20. You could tell from her eyes she was young and wild even if it may come off that way at first. She studied Fern, then me, then let her eyes rest on Sabien then grinned and joyfully exclaimed, “Sabien at last, I have missed you.”
“It has been a long time, hasn’t it my friend” He laughed.
“Well, what are you doing just standing there. Come in and tell me how I can help you and your friends,” She smiled at Fern and I.
“Of course how rude sorry. Sapphire this is Fern and Zara, Fern and Zara this is  Sapphire.”
“Nice to meet you, I assume you’d be the ones to take on the task…”
“Yes, indeed,” Sabien finished “Speaking of that,”
“Yes about that,” She turned and bent beneath the check-in desk then handed a small dagger to Fern and a wooden bow with a quiver of arrows to me. Fern and I exchanged confused looks as Sapphire then produced a letter from the brown bag slung around her shoulder. Then she handed the letter to Sabien, “Directions from Raoul, he couldn’t make it here himself but this arrived just before you did.” Sabien looked disappointed but Sapphire quickly added “But it really should help, hey why don’t you get some rest while the girls and I spend some time together. With that he trotted off quickly and headed towards the stairs.
Sapphire gestured for us to sit down and brought over a pot of tea, then sat down next to Fern.
“You must be getting curious by now about well, everything,” Sapphire inquired.
Fern and I nodded.
“I figured, certainly you must be wondering what your doing at a ski resort?” Fern and I nodded. “I figured. You're here because this is where Raoul had meant to meet you but something tied him up so he was unable to make it but, this is one of his disguised camps. This one in particular named after his daughter, Iris,” She explained, “You were brought here so we could prepare you for the danger of the mission, we have information from Raoul, and I am here to arm you with weapons. You must be wondering about the ones that I gave you. I know you probably don’t have much experience with weapons but I know you can learn quickly and trust me I know those weapons were made for you. Zara, you’ll be a master archer and Fern you’re destined to be a pro with that beautiful dagger.” She winked and stood up, “You two better get some rest as well. You won’t be leaving until tomorrow but I expect you’ll need some sleep.” We followed her to a small bedroom on the second floor and thanked her before she headed off to attend to the real guests needs. Fern looked at me and yawned, I shrugged
“Now that was one long day,” She laughed then layed down and fell asleep within seconds. It honestly seemed that tiny ball of fire could fall asleep anywhere at anytime.I found myself in dreams as well just a few minutes later and as I finally laid down I realised how tired I was. Fern was right, what a day where everything happened so fast and all at once. It was obvious our life had definitely changed but I knew it was for the better.

About the Author

I’m Kayla and I’m a 7th grader at DeWitt Middle School. My writing has definitely improved since last year, the quality as well as the GUMS. Reading pieces like this or other things from the beginning of the year really prove that I have improved. HAHA. One specific thing I have improved in is quotes, how to use them and how to explain them. In November when I wrote this nanowrimo piece I learned to use different words after dialogue instead of just saying “said bobby” or whatever.

Nanowrimo

Context and Reflection:

I chose my nanowrimo excerpt to revise. In this excerpt I use description and imagery. I chose this assignment, because I felt that because I was rushing to get this piece done as well as the needed word count, I did not use my best writing skills. I enhanced the imagery and description. I cut parts that could be said in shorter terms.By making these revisions I made it shorter and more descriptive.

Piece:       

Breakfast Secrets

They filed out of the room down to the dining room through the elaborate twists and turns of the mansion, stopping at the entrance of the dining room. In front of us stood a huge table, full of all kind of mouthwatering edibles. The variety was extreme, every type of imaginable fruit: magenta watermelons, juicy cantaloupes, beautifully cut mangos, zesty oranges, twinkling star fruit, cubed coconuts, light green honeydew, crimson, black, and emerald grapes, skinned grapefruit, triangular pears,  bananas, kiwis, bursting pomegranates, neon pink dragon fruit, tamarind, papaya, every known berry and every shade and type of the crispest apples in the world. There was a large platter of warm bagels in a pearly cloth within a hand woven basket surrounded by a petite, handmade bowl with capers inside, a plate of salmon, a little bowl of purple onions, and a bowl of  cream cheese. There were plates of golden waffles and pancakes with bowls of strawberries, chocolate chips, whipped cream, yogurt, all kinds of jams and jellies and a pitcher of thick real maple syrup. There was a plate of steaming bacon and sausage, as well as a plate of scrambled eggs with truffle oil and cheese. The cocoa, coffee, and tea boiled with heat in the very center of it all. Other choices of drinks were every imaginable juice, milk, smoothie, and of course the dull clear liquid called water. Blueberry, triple berry, chocolate, vanilla, lemon poppy seed, cinnamon chocolate chip, chocolate chip, and raisin bran muffins, as well as a few éclairs and on the edge of the table there was a bowl of forgotten granola with unimaginable contents.

About The Author:

My name is Isabelle Zanen. As an English student, I like to take a small piece of something that happened to myself and make a fictional story out of it. In English class I like to participate in reading groups of all kinds of novels, plays, and classics. I dislike participating in crash courses, because I think that we don’t thoroughly learn about or understand whatever we are suppose to be learning about. In terms of how I like to learn, I enjoy working in groups on projects or any work at all. Over the course of this year in English I have become more descriptive in my writing, as well as coming up with unusual title sources, a.k.a. Bohemian Rhapsody.

Final by Cesia L (awesome shmawesome)

English 7 Final Exam

Context and Reflection

I chose this Nanowrimo piece because it shows my ability to introduce a novel and convey the narrator's character to the reader. The thing that made me choose this piece, and what really stood out from all the rest of my work was that this one especially communicates with the audience and gets them involved. This was a trial for me to see if I could emphasize that point and almost talk to the reader. The changes I made to this piece were correcting my GUMS, which would of course make it better because GUMS errors would distract people from the actual story, and I also added some more rhetorical questions, to make it as if I were carrying on a conversation with the audience.

The Piece:

Chapter 1 of Berlin Barricade

1961… 1961… This date echoed in my head.

Why had we not done anything? Why had nobody done anything?

This was the year everyone’s real troubles had started. Me? Sure, I had problems! Who doesn’t? My mother was always grating on my nerves, she had this idea of a “perfect German daughter” and I REALLY fell short of that expectation. Did I mention her bizarre punishments? In other words, you wouldn’t want to be me.  And my dad... well, he just wasn’t around very much. I never actually thought of him as my father, since he had never played the role of a parent. He owned a restaurant which was quite well known in fact! I was told that I was “so lucky to have a cool family”. Yeah, RIGHT. He even had an apartment above the restaurant. Having your father practically living on the opposite side of Berlin wasn’t my idea of “lucky”. I rarely saw him. Aside from that though, I didn’t have too many serious problems. Like I said, 1961 was the year that everything started falling out of place and nightmares came true all over Berlin. In other words, the wall of separation came up, more commonly known as the Berlin Wall. Basically a terrible idea meant to blockade and try to starve people into submission, but I guess there has to be at least a few dingbats in this world that I could mention… Those russians that took place in it are a great example of a few., and there are many more.

I was completely ignorant of what was going to happen.

About the Author

I’m Cesia Lehmann, and as a student in general, I’m a tactile learner, which means I learn new concepts and styles by actively doing it, not just hearing about it. As an English student though, I enjoy free-writing and trying out new challenges like not using said, or using figurative language, or writing as many words as possible. What I strongly dislike is reading aloud or sharing my writing, and one situation is this final exam. That’s my largest weakness; having confidence in my work and personal pieces. I have improved progressively this year in English, since last year I wrote clunky-sounding sentences and now they flow more smoothly. Also, now I can move my stories forward, unlike before when my writing consisted of individual scenes that didn’t adequately fit together.