Ishan Ethridge 6/17/15

English Period 8

Context and Reflection

The piece I have chosen to revise was a slice of life I did a long time ago around the beginning of the school year.  this slice of life is about one of the greatest moments of my life which was hitting my first home run and why I chose it.  In this piece I will be showing my growth as a writer specifically in description words and vocabulary.  I tried to make the piece more exciting and visual allowing it to draw the reader in so without further ado here it is.

The Piece:

My First Home Run

The blazing sun sent multiple bright rays down practically piercing the car turning into a little red microwave.  My two other teammates Robbie and Felix were in the car on our way to syracuse for a double header against CNY red.  Halfway through was when the heat really hit us melting in the heat cramped in the little red car that barely could.   Some how we survived long enough to make it to the field but it wasn't at all what we expected.  The field looked as if it was part of the Alps, hills and valleys through the infield and outfield blanketed with bright green fields.  But this wasn't what really shocked us the most, what shocked us the most was the fence.  The fence was only one hundred fifty foot fence compared to a two hundred twenty foot fence but to compensate it was a towering twenty feet instead of a normal four feet.  

The game moved along slowly as each team lost energy almost being able to see the heat suck up all the fiery energy.  Teammates Ethan and Dom were on third and first base waiting for a base hit to move them around when our number four batter Felix came up to the plate.  Felix loaded pulling the bat back ready to swing when the ball came in.  He squared up and swung before you saw the ball you could hear it off the bat a loud crack ripping through the quiet atmosphere.  It wasn't so quiet for long as the team saw the ball carry over the fence screaming and yelling rushing to home ready to congratulate Felix.  

Next I was up still flowing with adrenaline ready just to really give the ball a pounding.  First pitch was outside but swung missing the bat carried me away from the ball jerking me across home plate.  I was getting a bit ahead of myself too eager to hit the ball so I take a big breath to gain back my composure.  I was ready my mind in complete zen ready to hit the ball.  The ball came in a bit high and right down the middle exactly how I like it.  I cocked the bat bringing it to my ear and pulling the bat down to greet the ball.  As soon as I made contact I knew it was a big hit so I just ran straight to first without hesitation.  About to round first I look over just in time to see the ball disappear over the towering fence trying to be humble and not screaming for joy until reaching home.  I slowed to a jog around the bases watching the teammates flood to home once again.  Jumping on the plate crowded by my teammates but over the screaming and yelling I thought to myself how happy I was to have hit a home run especially back to back ones with Felix.

About the Author

My name is Ishan Ethridge and I am currently in Mr. Scott’s 8th period english class.  Describing me as a student is pretty hard as I have changed throughout the year.  in the beginning of the year I worked constantly trying to get the best possible grade and working my butt off.  I was also a very productive worker not taking breaks or stopping just wanting to get a good grade and get it done.  Now I think English has made a big impact on my work habits.  I have learned to take my time and enjoy my work.  Overall the quality of my work has improved but as always I can go to greater lengths to improve my work.

Zhaoran Chen

Reflection

Through the past year, I have changed my writing style a lot, improving and adding changes to what I thought was perfect, until I looked at it again and realized the mistakes I made. With much help from teachers, friends and my parents, I finally decided to publish this piece of writing that I chose from my Slices of Life. I chose this piece because it talks about an ordinary event that many people experience. This piece in particular demonstrated a lot of description, which in my point of view, was a great addition and showed the readers what was happening. I made several changes throughout this piece, namely, descriptions, similes and the general story plot. These changes made my piece better, and more interesting. Without further ado, my piece:

Extreme Boredom, Ponderings, and a Traitor

As I waited, I glanced down at my watch, beaming back at me like always. Tick- Tock. Eight -o-five. Eight-o-six. Eight-o-seven. It was late. I sighed. Every Thursday morning, I took the slow, custard yellow, germy, loud bus to school. It was always late. Soon I could hear the rumbling of the school bus bumping along the road. As it stopped, the engine whistled sleepily and then sighed, allowing us to step up the dirty stairs and find a seat. I trudged along the aisle, plopping down on a nearby seat and sighed again. As the bus started up, with a wheeze and a rumble, I stared outside the window, slumping deep into my coat due to the cold weather. The bus jostled down the road, as conversation began again. I looked at the outside scenery and shivered, watching the road slowly inch by, accompanied by a dull sky with storm clouds and a colorless void of grey trees and grass. Like Dorothy in Kansas, I thought, snorting. At least Dorothy had Toto. I would be alone until the next stop. I suddenly banged my head against the front of the bench in front of me and then jerked back. Here we go, the friend I have been waiting to talk to in order to pass the time- was not here. Perplexed, I leant back and watched the bus leave the stop behind. She said she was going to be here. Traitor. Brilliant, on the only day I have no book or phone, my friend decides to leave me stranded in this miserable jail cell, alone, cold, and bored, while she swiftly rides off in her car with her parents. Thanks alot, friend. This day was cursed. I watched houses, deer, trees pass by, a couple walking their dog, a chipmunk scampering along a fence, it’s sharp claws digging deep into the soggy wood. Lone birds flapped their wings against the prosaic sky. We rode along, with me cracking my knuckles and rolling my head slowly, trying to find something to do. I shuffled my feet tediously, putting my head in my hands as I counted seconds in my head. I checked my watch again. Only five minutes had passed. I tried thinking about philosophy and other things, like architecture, to keep me confused and continuously working my brain until we got to school, but all it did was to make me even more bored. Nothing could help me now. I am in an eternal tunnel of gloom. As I then pondered the meaning of dreams, memories, and nothingness, questions I had been curious about since I was 7, I furrowed my brow.

What, really, was nothing? What did it physically look like? “Nothing looks like nothing” was not really an acceptable answer. What would you do as an artist, to capture the true meaning of nothing? It simply cannot be black, nor white, as they are both colours. You cannot just not do anything, because what your artwork is on, is something. Perhaps if you vacuumed air out of an empty box, it could be nothing, though the box was something. It could be clear, though when one says that something is clear, they usually mean it is transparent so you can therefore see something on the other side, therefore making it something, not nothing. Empty space is nothing if it has air inside it. How, truly, could nothing be perceived as?

I soon became aware of a now pounding headache, something I could never get rid of when I was on a moving contraption. Ten more minutes of this and this bus will make me throw up. I rubbed my aching temples, and glanced back at my watch. Eight minutes had passed. Wow. I still had more than ten minutes to go, a headache, and virtually nothing to do at all. Looking back outside at the darkening clouds, I groaned lightly as I listened to people talking.

Two minutes passed. I grew weary of hearing about clothes and shopping and celebrities and toilets, so I sat, deep in thought, wondering how I would be able to fix my headache and manage not to puke in front of everyone. I succeeded and then, as I was on the verge of jumping up and wailing like a banshee in a mixer with a cat, we stopped. The bus shuddered, rocked, and then sighed. Seeing the hordes of people outside, I stood up, pulled on my backpack and adjusted my jacket. I stepped off the bus into the early morning air.

About the Author

My name is Zhaoran Chen, a “normal” seventh grader ( because everyone is different) attending Dewitt Middle School, and in Mr. Scott’s third period English class. I believe that compared to last year, my writing skills have improved. While last year I was using simple everyday language and lame repetition which was really cheesy, this year I am using figurative language which is…. somewhat better than before, or at least, I think so. My improvement is solely because of my teachers and reading a wide variety of books, looking at the technique they use and different plot twists. I cringed over cliche moments and yelled at annoying soppy phrases and trying not to use them, revised my pieces. Later on, I started to browse through actual good books, like 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, a lot of Sherlock Holmes and Homer’s The Odyssey, trying to find techniques that worked for me and learning from the books. As the author for this piece, I would like to thank all previous dead and currently alive authors that have or had brilliant minds, their work still existing today, like Charles Dickens and Jane Austen, Donna Tartt, J.K.Rowling and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and acknowledge those who helped me, Mr. Scott, Ms. Sherman and my parents, and friends who have stuck with me and revised and suggested suggestions. Thank you all for helping me improve.

Slice of Life Final

Chris Dev                                                                              6/19/15

English                                                                                  Period 3

ENGLISH FINAL

CONTEXT AND REFLECTION:

         

When I was first introduced to this assignment, the first piece of writing that came to mind was my slice of life paragraphs. I like these pieces because it allows me to describe what has happened in my life which is sometimes hard to portray if you were writing a fictional story about yourself. When I looked through the numerous slice of life writings that I have created, I choose this one because I believe that it clearly shows off my ability as a writer and what I can do to add drama, excitement and action. When I sat down and deeply analyzed this piece of writing, I concluded to make many changes such as grammar and spelling errors. These changes will help with the smoothness and ease of reading of the piece. I also noticed that there were some context errors which depreciated the moral value of this writing. By having context errors, the whole theme of the story is thrown off and confuses the reader about what might be happening at that section. Each one of these changes to the story will bring out the messages and values, such as action and romance, that might not be noticeable if these errors remain in the story.  

THE PIECE:

Just an Ordinary Day

On a blistering hot day in the middle of July, my family and I were riding on a boat up on Lake George in the Adirondack Mountains. The weather was the best it could ever be. The place that we had originally gotten the boat from was in the town of which we were staying, but the part that we were boating in was where there were barely any houses or docks, mainly wilderness. After about a half of an hour of swimming my brother looked up to see that there was an enormous black cloud headed our way. We nervously crept onto the boat as we examined the phenomenon coming our way.  Then we realized that the storm had covered the place where we had rented our boat which meant that if we tried turning back now, we would only be bringing ourselves into the heart of this death storm. We then drove at full throttle away from the storm but after about 5 minutes of riding realized that there would be no way that we could out run this storm. The boat that we were on had no cabin and was covered in metal which means that it would be a hotspot for a lightning storm. My mother had started to panic and put all of our food in a compartment so that it would not get wet. I was starting to feel a little queasy about what would happen next until, like a sending from god, I noticed a beaten down shack way off in a cluster of trees and shrubs. It even had a dock.

“Hey!” I blared over the noisy sounds of wind and thunder.

“There’s a house with a dock over there!”

My dad squinted through the rain and shouted back

“I see it to!” He screamed.

As we steered the boat into the dock my dad told me to jump into the water and grasp a rope attached to the boat so that we could tie it to the dock. He told me that there were too many rocks for him to pull the boat into next to the dock. At this point, I had a surge of fear rush through my body like stepping outside with no clothes on a freezing winter day. After tying the rope to the dock, I scrambled back onto the boat to bring some of the towels off to put on the dock because of how soaked they were getting. My brother, dad and mom were now sitting on the dock watching the storm. I came over to them and told them I would go knock on the door of the house just to make sure that there was no one home. I went over and knocked three times. No answer. I knocked again. As I reached for the handle, the door suddenly inched open from the wind of the storm. I poked my head inside to see that there was no one there. The lights were out and unfortunately the people that were living there must have forgot to un clog their toilet. I shouted back over to my parents.

“You can come in! There’s no one here!”

They scrambled over to me and came inside. We were drenched and it was nice to have a roof over our head. We sat on the one bench sitting in the middle of what looked like was the main room for almost 4 hours. My dad took out his phone and tried to call the local coastguard but there was no cell service out here in the wilderness. We decided that we should just wait out the storm. My mom took out our soggy lunches and gave them to my dad and I. As I watched the rain poor down on the lake, I remembered how just a couple hours back, the sun was out and there were no clouds in the sky. I then wondered what might be happening right now if we hadn’t found this shack or the tiny dock. I sat and ate my sandwich for another hour until the rain had finally started to slow down. I stepped outside to see that the sun was finally starting to come out again. My dad checked his phone and saw that we had been sitting in that room for a good 5 hours. It was now 4 in the afternoon and we were all still very hungry. We stepped outside and got back onto our boat. My dad was then able to get cell service so he called the boat rental place and informed them what had happened. After all, we had only rented the boat for 3 hours and we exceeded that limit by two hours. We arrived at the boat shop and parked it in the garage. We then jumped into our soaking car and drove home so we could each take steaming hot showers.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

As a student, school was never really my FAVORITE thing. I have been at Dewitt Middle School for 2 years now and my thoughts about school have definitely changed in a good way. Not only have I been able to thrive in my English experiences but I have also been able to successfully gain knowledge about writing and context. When I had started this year, I had no idea about context clues or figurative language. Now that I have gained all of this useful knowledge, I can use in my writings such as the one I presented above. Each day in English class is an opportunity to learn, and I will keep learning until my English class ends. (Hopefully never :)

slice of life

Overview

I am doing a slice of life for this final and I chose this because I Think that the state tests are stupid and don’t deserve to exist in school. I wanted to talk about this because I had to do those stupid tests and I made this slice of life just about them. I am going to explain why they are so useless and crappy and how boring it was to sit and do dum tests to grade our own teachers participation with us.

The piece

So this week I was pretty drowsy but other that I am fine. Today is the first day of spring and I am really happy because that means I don’t have to be antisocial sitting in my house and watching some show all day and go outside and hang out with friends WAIT I remember, the state tests, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Everyone I knew opted even my sister sole (sol eigh not soul). What I don’t understand is why this test is so important to the teachers hm maybe we’re supposed to do the work for them because their adults?!! Oh wait thats stupid because we are supposed to do tests that go to our progress in school but this crap is for the teachers grade hm very stupid you think but they don’t care what we think just what we do for them. Anyways beside tests at school my parents gave away our dog because he kept on biting my cousin Wil when he came over to my house. All the while he was just trying to protect us from strangers and intruders.Basically that was all that happened this week so don’t do those tests opt out.

About me

My name is Carver dewey and I chose to revise one of my slice of life stories because it really did not have a lot of detail and explanation in it. Also this stuff is all since the beginning of the year so this happened a while ago. Lastly, that week sucked and i’m done with state tests forever never again will I do them.

End-of-the-Year Final Exam

Slice of Life

Context and Reflection

             The assignment that I have chosen is a "Slice of Life."  A "Slice of Life" is a piece of your life that you write about in very descriptive detail.    This "Slice of Life" is about how we had an unexpected fire alarm and how I dealt with it.  The learning that I am "showing off" is descriptive writing.  At the beginning of this year, my writing was very basic/elementary.  Now, I can show how I have improved by writing descriptively and using figurative language (similes, personification, metaphors, etc.).  Some changes that I made to this piece are including the five senses and changing some of my words so that they become a little bit more descriptive.  This makes this piece more interesting.  I chose this piece because I wanted to prove my skills of imagery.


The Piece

Snowy Emergency

             It was a snowy day.  Flakes of snow were swirling around outside.  I was in health class, kind of bored.  We were talking about our circulatory system when suddenly...

             A loud, blaring noise started sounding all over the school.  I jumped our of my seat in surprise.  Everyone was scurrying toward the doors in fright.  I followed them out, down the stairs and outside.

             When I stepped outside, a strong, snowy blast of wind swept over the school.  I looked down and saw two inches of snow on the ground.  Students were talking to their friends, trying to catch up with each other, and teachers were trying to gain silence in their classes.  Many students were wearing T-shirts.  I was wearing a sweater and sneakers, so I was shivering and cold.  My teeth were chattering as I stepped through the snow.  It was complete chaos.

             Unfortunately, the ground sloped steeply down towards a wide ditch.  I started losing control of my feet.  I sped towards the ditch, and, in an attempt to stop myself, I fell on all fours, the snow up to my elbows and knees.  My sweater and pants were completely soaked.  I struggled up, colder than ever.  Now, I just needed to find my class.

             All around me, students were shivering, as pale as polar bears, climbing the hill and around the school garden to the front of the school.  I finally located my class and struggled uphill to catch up.  Teachers were pointing classes up to the front of the school.  Everyone was outside, so it was a sort of traffic jam.  That's when I looked up and saw everyone heading towards BOCES.

             We finally made it to the sidewalk and started our journey to BOCES.  Students were clutching their friends in an attempt to get warmer.  A teacher was in the middle of the street, stopping cars to let us pass.

             We went down the sidewalk and through the front door of BOCES.  I sighed with relief.  I finally made it to the school, in what seemed like hours and hours.  I was warming up again, and I thought to myself, I hope this never happens again.


About the Author

           
             I'm Alice Hu, a seventh grader in Mr. Scott's class on the Fire Ants at DeWitt Middle School.  I feel like I've improved a lot over this year compared to last year.  Last year, my grammar and my writing skills were very basic.  The words that I used wasn't middle school language.  However, this year, I think I have improved my grammar and my writing skills.  I have learned lots of grammar, such as when to stop a sentence so that it doesn't become a run-on sentence.  I have also learned a lot of ways to describe a noun using figurative language.  I think that I have grown a lot as a writer this year.

Sophia X. - Final

Context and Reflection

The assignment I’ve chosen is a slice of life that I wrote in the middle of the year. It’s about a paper mache dolphin I made last year in 6th grade, and what I thought about it. I chose this piece because I saw several things that needed improving, like grammar, spelling, etc. I also thought that it would be easy to add on to, since it was rather short.  

The Piece- Never had a Chance

It was humiliating. I stared in disgust at what I’d just created.

“Maybe it’ll look better if you just turn it at a certain angle.” said the person across the table, with fake enthusiasm in his voice.

I looked down at my creation, a horrid paper mache “dolphin”. It looked like a blue blob, with a tube sticking out, meant to be it’s nose. Not to mention it’s creepy painted on eyeball. It was a psycho dolphin gone wrong.  It was absolutely horrible, I was scarred for life. To think I had spent the last week working on this. I wanted to just toss it out. But NOOOO, we had to take a picture of it in order to “preserve the memory”. Afterwards, I shoved it in my backpack to take home, not even caring that I had just crushed it’s head. I had decided, that once I got home, I was going to use it as a punching bag and destroy it.

I got home, and showed my creation to my brother. It’s head was hanging on by a thread. One look, and he burst out laughing.

“WHAT IS THAT?” he asked between chortles.

“It’s a decapitated dolphin idiot, can’t you tell?” I said in a sarcastic tone. But I started laughing with him anyways since we both agreed it was hideous. I took up the “dolphin” to my room, still laughing,  and placed it on the floor. I stared at it, then took a picture, just to preserve the poor paper mache dolphins last dying moments. Then I smashed it against the wall. Little paper shreds started floating down around me. Like Angels singing that it had gone to a better place, away from this judgmental world. I slowly looked up, as if wondering where the dolphin had left to. I burst out laughing again. What a waste of material. I hated that dolphin so much.

About the Author

My name is Sophia Xu.  I am a 7th grade student at Dewitt, in Mr. Scott’s third period english class. I feel like my writing has improved somewhat compared to last year. In 6th grade, I was a decent student in English, but I didn’t really care about grammar that much and would always put commas in the wrong places. I have gotten better at using them, but I definitely still need to work on them. I believe I have made an improvement through this year’s 3rd period English class, and will continue to improve in future years.

Context and Reflection:

The assignment the I will be using as my 2015 English Final Exam is one of the many Slices of Life. This assignment revolves around baseball tryouts for modified that took place in March of 2015. Slices of Life teach us about grammar and different ways to write paragraphs. I think that what made me chose this piece was the fact that the story is nice and short and more than easy to work with, because it's what I made up anyways.

This is my Slice of Life that I have revised and took lots of time and effort creating.

Slice of Life

“ It was monday, the 16th. Tryouts were today. I was in fact a little bit more nervous than I thought that I might be, but I knew I would have the skill and ability to make the team. Once practice started, the other boys in 8th grade who made the team last year warmed up with the other kids who were trying out, kind of like a mentor teaching it’s apprentice to do something new. After stretching out, we went to the huddle and broke out into groups where we would then break out into groups to field ground balls. Now it was my turn to take a ground ball, life seemed great at the moment and if I messed up as I was about to get my first one, maybe this would go so fast that I wouldn’t have to worry about anything for the longest time.All that I could think of was the way Coach.Z was going to see my skill and maybe start me in the field.He hit the ball, Life seemed seemless at this point.  Now the ball was in my glove, I grabbed it out of my glove and threw the ball at the first-baseman at what felt like 100 miles per hour,and the ball got there in no time. I was right, I didn’t mess up and things went by quickly , and I never had a worry for the rest of the tryout. After practice Coach came up to me and told me in his office that I had made the team and that I was a nice player. I went home had my daily hot cocoa and then went to bed. “

About the Author:

My name is Andrew Alise, I am a student at DeWitt Middle School located in Ithaca, New York. Through out my young years on this Earth, I have learned and still have many things to learn as an English student. All of my English teachers including Mr. Scott and Ms. Redfield have taught me lots this year about the subject. Last year, I wasn’t the best in English, every marking period, a high eighty percent at best is what I would receive from the district. But over the SUmmer, I had time realize that the grade I got wasn’t where it needed to be so I studied and when it came time to come back to school, I really hit the nail and did everything that I could to do my best and outperform the other kids and so I could do much better than last year. and as the year went on, I achieved my goal and here I am now  with an achieved goal. Thank you Mr. Scott for all the things that you did to help me.

.

Slice of Life: Softballs- Not So Soft

Context and Reflection

         This is a "Slice of Life" piece. It's a small "slice" of a day in your life- exploded with detail and figurative language, such as similes and personification. This piece helps to show my knowledge of figurative language use because this piece of writing demands vivid details, and figurative language can help you do that.
          I chose this piece because it reflects who I am outside of school. I love playing softball, and I also love playing competitively, so this piece reflects my personality.
          Before I revised, my writing wasn't very interesting. It didn't have details to pull readers in. Now, my piece shows, not tells. It has figurative language by the bushel and tons of details. These make the piece all the more interesting for the reader. I did two drafts and then did a four step revision conference with my mom (who is an English major) and then made my final. I also changed my word choice a lot. That made each sentence more enriching with a better word each time.
          And now my piece!

Softballs-Not So Soft

          Do you know the feeling of a close game? That's what I felt on the Elmira field. I desperately wanted a win. It might be our only chance. And I was at bat.
          My heart pounded as I stepped into the chalk batter's box with my trusty black and yellow bat. My gloved fingers gripped the bat tightly as I envisioned hearing the thwack of the bat connecting with the ball.
          I took a deep breath and shook my helmeted head, doing my before-at-bat ritual. I cleared my mind, then narrowed my eyes. I watched the dark-haired girl who was pitching as she fingered the ball.
          The pitch was in the dirt. It bounced off home with a dull thunk and rolled in the dirt.
          I stepped out of the box to see if my coach wanted to give me a sign. He didn't give me a sign, so I turned back to the pitcher and silently dared her to throw me a strike.
          My bat swished and missed the ball. Rage boiled up inside me as I saw her little grin. I ignored that smug little smile and wished for revenge.
          What happened next couldn't have been more different.
          For a split second, I saw the ball in the dirt. The next thing I knew, my right ankle howled in pain. I dropped my bat from shock and grabbed my foot, my face contorted with pain. I waved away my coach and umpires and walked proudly to first base.
          When my coach gave the signal to steal, I ran as fast as lightning for second. The ball had been overthrown! I scrambled to my feet and headed to third. As soon as the play was over, I breathlessly high-fived my coach. Then I thundered home on the next pitch and slid.
          "SAFE!"
           I had a grin all over my face as I beat the dust off my pants and high-fived my teammates at the same time. I felt like a contributor and a valued player; even if being hit was the price.

About the Author

          I am a 7th grader at DeWitt Middle School on the Fire Ants team. I have enjoyed English class both years at DeWitt and I love writing YA novel ideas. I have improved greatly; I went from not knowing how to write a topic sentence at the beginning of 6th grade to writing a novel in 7th grade. The reasons behind this are two great teachers, Ms. Sterk and Mr. Scott, teaching each little thing clearly and helping me to achieve great new heights. I also made sure to learn from every mistake I made. And finally, I have learned from asking questions when I don't understand something. That is always a good idea.